My Preciousssssss

I am not perfect.

Well duh you might be saying but it is a pretty real admission for me and has left me in a zen like state. Maybe that is the sugar, but we will get to that.

As an adult I have been very driven in all my chosen challenges. When I decide to do something and really commit, it gets done. Knitting, triathlons, painting; all these things I committed to, taught myself how to do them and have achieved my goals. Even losing weight and getting healthier I have conquered through research, blood, sweat and tears. I knew intellectually that I wasn't perfect and wouldn't rock everything I did but I was hit right in the face with my imperfection this weekend.

As you may have already guessed I ate sugar this weekend. I am currently eating a piece of chocolate cake with sprinkles. Eating it on a different level of the house than my children no less.  Not because I don't want them to see my imperfection solely because I don't want to share.

Don't have pity for me or have delusions that I just slipped, I didn't trip and fall into the cake. I wasn't at a party and peer pressured. It was a calculated choice that started at the store where I bought the ingredients for a gluten free chocolate cake. I would like to say that the sugar monster took over and I just couldn't help myself but that wasn't the case. I would like to say that I didn't look like Gollum holding his "precious" when I picked up the cake mix, but as my husband wouldn't come down the aisle to be near me that might not be the case either.
I saw my drug dealer, saw him for what he was and chose to continue with my addiction. I was three days clean and felt great when it mattered, training, even turned in my best run and bike time ever.

There were positives happening and I could see them. There were negatives too, it wasn't all happy little trees. I was angry most of those three days, headachey, and except when I was biking and running felt pretty miserable.
No matter the positive or the negative ways I was feeling I chose the way of addiction.

When thin people talk about heavy people I often hear, "Just put the fork down". As long as we are being honest I am sure I have thought this if not said this.
 Food is an addiction both physical and mental. It is sometimes damn near impossible to make the healthy choice because your hormones and mental blocks keep you in the cycle. This isn't excuses, as you know how I feel about them, there are hardcore scientific research experiments to support foods addictive properties especially sugar. In layman's terms: dopamine, the happy hormone, gets released into your brain when you eat sugar. The longer you eat it the more you need to eat to get that hormone released. It is ugly and a hard addiction to break.

I am not letting myself feel guilt this time and maybe that is why I feel so zen at the moment. I am headed to the gym today at 4:30 to recommit and center myself.
If you are struggling with any sort of addiction, seek help. Most strong addictions require more than your will power. Even if it is just a group of people you can talk about things honestly, talk about it.
I am not comparing sugar to heroin but it is my beast to slay. Quitting sugar has been harder for me than quitting cigarettes.

I am still fighting the good fight and will do my best everyday. Sometimes my best just isn't 100%.



http://www.webmd.com/diet/ss/slideshow-sugar-addiction

The Origin of #Noexcuses

I started running in late September of 2012. I hadn't run a mile since the 9th grade fitness test and I wasn't the last runner across the finish line but I was in the back of the pack for sure.

The reason for the sudden interest in running was that I met two wonderful ladies when I moved to Denver, Shayna and Ally, and they invited me to join them in a triathlon in August of 2013. I had been biking, I considered myself a good swimmer and I thought "hey how hard can running be".

Good night and cheese and crackers is running hard. It is my weakest of the three events and I have been working on it every week since September last year. I have slowly taken my mile time from 14 minutes to 10:55 but I still struggle every time I have to do a run workout.

I was scheduled to do a run workout January 12th of this year and I didn't yet have a gym membership to use a treadmill. For those who don't live in Denver, January can range from the 70's to the negatives in temperature range. This day was in the negatives all morning, I had gotten dressed in my running clothes and I was waiting for it to reach 10 degrees Fahrenheit before I would even consider opening the door.

I told my husband that I was waiting on it to warm up to 10 to go out and run and he jokingly said "No excuses babe." He meant it as a joke, he meant that it was way too cold and that only a crazy person would go run in that weather, he meant it to let me off the hook and to make me feel better.

For some reason it made me angry,  blood boiling angry. How dare he try and let me off the hook was my first thought followed closely by well damn it is an excuse and then what IS the difference really in 3 and 10 degrees, a measly 7 degrees, cold is cold people.

I laced up my shoes and ran. My time was slow, I only went a mile and a half, my fingers hurt they were so cold but I felt amazing once I thawed. I hadn't made excuses and sat on the couch and watched t.v. I had challenged myself and won.

I realized that my life up to the point of getting really serious about my health had been a series of excuses. You know them, I am sure you have said them from time to time:
I don't have time
Eating right is expensive
I can't take time away from my kids, husband, family, cat, dog, grandma, etc
I am happy-ish with my current fitness level and weight
Just to name a few of my top excuses from time gone by.


Here is the thing, you are worth it, excuses are just excuses. The only reason to not be moving your body towards better health is injury and even then there are things you can do.
Take the time to be the best you. You deserve it.
No excuses my friends.

No excuses

I have been trying to live a more conscious of my health lifestyle for over a year now. I have lost just over 75 pounds and have changed the way I think about food and exercise completely. I have had a consciousness shift and it is amazing and overwhelming sometimes.

There are many things that lead to my change and I will write about them in the days and months to follow. Some of them were being diagnosed with Celiac disease, almost reaching 250lbs, moving to a new state.

I am in no way an expert. I am just trying my best everyday like everyone else.

I am moving towards a new way of eating which is called primal/paleo. I hate that label because I am not out with a spear hunting down bison or forgoing deodorant. I am eating mostly meats, fruits, vegetables and no grains. I still eat carbs just good clean carbs such as potatoes, wild rice, and quinoa.

Today I gave up the last of my processed evils; SUGAR. As a child my nickname was "sugar bags" because I always had bags of candy with me where ever I went. I have continued the love affair with sugar all the way to my 34th year. I decided that this year was the year to quit.

Sugar is quite frankly an addiction and I have tried to quit before and failed. One thing I am doing this time is taking a picture of my face every day since quitting sugar. I have read and researched and sugar is bad for you on so many levels one of those being it speeds up the aging process. So I am hoping by takeing pictures and hopefully seeing some improvement it will be easy to keep not eating it.

That is all for now. I have trained my brain to think in face book posts. I was telling a friend that I can be cute and witty for a paragraph but when it has to be longer some of my magic dissipates. So here is hoping I can learn to think like a writer and don't bore you all to death! (all 4 of you :).

Here is a great article my friend sent to me about how bad sugar is for you to help me remember why I have decided to concur this addiction (Thanks Stacie!)

http://www.rodalenews.com/sugar-health-effects?cm_mmc=ETNTNL-_-1376374-_-07272013-_-SugarEffects-hed